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Posts Tagged ‘birthday thoughts’

Before you read further, let me start by offering my deepest gratitude for all your gracious birthday greetings. To my dear family, friends, Regal Hill, THANK YOU ALL: without all your support, things would have been very different. Most of all, To The One Up There, Thank You for this Life.

The day after my birthday gave me a lot of time to think about what is truly important to me at this time of my life. I’ve really lived such an incredible life. I have done lots of mistakes and learned from them.

I am _ _ years old. I am the age of my heart. The thought of being in this age didn’t bring with it uninhibited joy, but a feeling of trepidation. Basically, I haven’t treated this natal day the way I treated any other birthday.

Even supposing that I had already accomplished a lot- university, career (even laid low career), school after school, etc.- I still can’t help but ask myself “What road would I take next?” Wherever I am at this point, I can honestly say I am happy. There are times however, those worry wart-evil thoughts keep shaking me and poking my guts. “Are you lost? Are you doing what you wanted to do? Are you truly where you wanted to be?”  Suddenly, I feel the urge to take a deep breath. Sigh. Deep, cleansing breaths. On occasion, tiny fluids secreted by the lacrimal glands of my eyes instinctively drop, how salty they are. And yet, when whimpering’s done I feel better again and when my tear ducts shut, I feel my own renewal of hope, and my own sense of purpose. Everyone feels the same way once in a while. Human nature.

The past few years I have been piloted in an unexpected personal wave of uncertainty and anxiety. I have embraced my sadness and darkness in order to see the light and experience true bliss. Despite setbacks, I have kept and still keep on going. With that said, I have built my inner strength  through learning the hard way.  I have journeyed down many different roads; have pushed huge stones aside for me to let through. I have mapped a different route in life. The fact is, sometimes the things we’re most passionate about- the things we would most like to accomplish in life- are the very blueprints we tend to put off. Time flies, and that half-decorated wall is still waiting in vain, or that half-started postgraduate degree is balanced out, or the course that we so want to take is neglected,  merely because we can’t seem to find a way to start or pursue it. Making those big dreams come true is not as easy as eating cakes on your birthday.

Nonetheless, I have had my heart set on living my dreams (perhaps aimless dreams). On living those dreams, I have stared various proverbial forks in the road. Life has been constantly teaching me. It has taught me how to focus on the choices I have to make every time I find myself standing pensively at one of those forks in the road. I may not have all the answers to my stupid questions; I may not reach all my goals, but the important thing is to keep striving toward one. No matter how overwhelmed I feel, how impossible the odds seem I always take time to step back and envision the life I want to have. I have been the seedling in a cultural desert, wanting ever so much to be grown, to be something more than what I am.

How old am I again? Bugger! Age is not a particularly interesting subject especially for a person like me. Anyone can get old. But we should turn not older with years, but newer everyday.

So you are not where you thought you would be at 25, 30, 35, 40, 50 or 70? Everyone’s life plan swerves off course at some point. It’s the journey that matters the most. It is the journey that makes the person. It is the journey that transforms a person from being average to enjoy stratospheric success. It is the journey that changes lives.

Now that I’ve turned _ _, I’m no longer afraid of what’s in store, albeit feeling a bit angst-ridden. I’m stepping into the next greatest evolution of myself. This time I should know what I really want. Unlike a birthday present, life is not always neatly packaged and tied with a bow. I know how to grow old but still stay young ;-). I haven’t really mastered any single wisdom yet, but I believe wisdom has its own way of sinking itself deep into my core.

In all instances,  I would wish to open my heart and mind a little wider. To walk to the edge. To scan well the horizons. To live well- to laugh often- to love much. To choose with no regret. To do what I love. Above all, I wish to be a stronger and better person today than I was yesterday.

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