I had a date today. Wanting to look great, I spent a lot of time getting ready. I already planned what to wear- a dress that I have never worn yet with the price tag still attached. But after weighing myself, I ended up wearing a semi-skimpy Chinese dress, which I bought in China 4 years ago, ho ho. I’ve been keeping it in my closet because it’s one my favorites. Besides, it was Mimi who chose it for me. I’ve only used it thrice and I’ve hung onto it (rather than giving it away), thinking “It will still fit me after 4 or 10 years and this will help me watch my bulk or even drop some more of it.”
As I looked fixedly at the dress, I talked nonsense to it, “Okay, I’ve lost weight (a bit), so maybe I’ll fit into you again.” Voila! It still fits me quite well, except for the right-side zipper. I tried to zip it up, and up and up holding my breath. Darn! I took it off and changed bra into sports bra, then wore the dress for the second time around and zipped it up again. Nudge! The dress got back to me and squelched me, “Hey, you don’t alter me to fit you, you alter yourself to fit me.” Huh, so now you’re like a nagging Vera! Good Wang, help me fit into this dress, please! Lucky me, I got a helping hand so had it zipped up. Considering we have seats reservation and we can’t be late, I didn’t bother changing the dress into another outfit. OFF WE GO!
My date took me to a nice restaurant. When we got there, the waiter pointed out our table. A simple act of chivalry, my date pulled up a chair for me and I sat down at the table composedly. Indeed a real gentleman. The ambiance was great, too. The waiter was very accommodating that he came to our table twice just to check if we were ready to order. He just couldn’t wait to serve us. A few minutes later, we agreed to go only for starters and the main courses with side dishes and champagne, no sweets.
After chowing down the starter, I already felt a bit bloated and uneasy. It was apparent that I was having a snag with the dress, so my date asked me if I was all right. Looking perturbed, I said “I’m fine. Just needs a loose move, is all.” Cognizant of the embarrassment I could possibly create, I whispered to him “If I have to eat more, my dress zipper would burst or split open.” We kept on giggling as if we both thought this thing was equally hilarious. Anyhow, I managed the main course (tasty lamb prepared with spinach, butter and that’s full of flavor). Likewise, I managed to wedge myself into that wear. But boy, I could hardly move. I even had to use my jacket to cover up my right side part, that was looking awkwardly ‘stiff zipped’. All I could think of at that moment was the relief from this ‘tuck-it-all-in’ dress despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
We supposed to stay longer for a chitchat but I told him I wanted to go. When the bill was paid, we left with contented smile on our face.
The date was relatively fun; food-wise, it was pretty good.
In my mind though, “With all the dresses in my closet, why this one?” It was foolish of me to wear this tonight.
Vanity Unfair. I’ve been jogging these days. I believe I’ve lost weight. Well, scrutinizing myself in the mirror, though my tummy is flat, got curves (not to toot my own horn), I still regard myself as slim but no longer skinny!
Pondering:
1) Shall I blame the washing machine for shrinking the dress?
2) Do my fat cells have to notice all my calorie intake from mindless eating?
3) Am I too obsessed with this dress that I couldn’t bid farewell to and that I don’t wanna accept the fact that I’ve already outgrown it not in height but in girth?
4) Rather than discussing a more relevant topic, am I just too vain to think about my BWH (vital statistics) and write this lousy-vain blog?
5) Is this teaching me something about the art of letting go? I guess.
This may seem going out of the subject matter and unconnected to the immediate context but I just wanna stretch it a bit.
Here’s the rub:
Sometimes the way we clean out our closet reflects how we clean out a relationship. Whether we realize it or not, people who aren’t in our life anymore can still be affecting us on a daily basis. Sure we’ve let go of the physical, psychological or emotional clutter associated with the past, let’s say with an ex.
More to the point, oftentimes we find it hard, if not possible, no matter how unhealthy and futile the relationship has become, to let it go. Most of us are willing to do everything in our power to try to make “meant to be” relationship work.
The same goes for that tight red dress I was trying to fit into me with a concerted effort. “Is there anything in your life that you absolutely would not get rid of because it has sentimental value?” Ask me, I say- a lot. And one of them is this dress. Not only the sentimental sense, it’s got a ‘woot woot’ value as well ;-). I can just buy new dress to replace it anytime, but since I love it so dearly, I keep it in the closet and valued it as one of my special collections.
Much sentimental value in it but I figured it was time to give it away and offer it to someone who will love it and wear it delightfully.
To aphorize, as we eventually move on from the past, we come to understand that the way hang onto something is like the way we hang up on someone who is wrong for us.
Blog.oh.Logy 